Fuck Yeah Serial Killer Memes!

Ok! Here’s what I’ll do - I will post 1 fact about 10 serial killers! Hopefully they’ll be facts you don’t already know, but I doubt that with some of you guys! Y’all’s is too knowledgeable.

1. Ted Bundy once stole a Navajo rug that retailed for $1,200 from a Hilton Hotel gift shop in Salt Lake City, Utah. In “Ted Bundy: Conversations with a Killer,” he states, “So, without hesitation, I walked into the shop and walked up to it. There was only one person working in the shop… It had this big rock sitting on it, along with a lot of dishware. A couple dozen items anyway, including the ninety-pound rock. Well, I lifted the rock and put it over to one side and lifted all the other shit up and rolled the fucker up and put it under my arm and walked… I just kept walking, with it under my arm, like I’d just bought the evening paper. That was that.”

2.  Jeffrey Dahmer signed up for the Army in 1979 at the behest of his father. He had originally wanted to be trained as a military policeman, but was instead sent to Alabama to be trained as a combat medic. He was then sent to Baumholder, Germany. While in the barracks in Germany, Jeff tacked an Iron Maiden poster onto his wall and listened to the album “Heaven and Hell” by Black Sabbath constantly. His military records show several acts of defiance including rowdy conduct, possession of alcohol in the barracks, refusal to turn down his stereo, and my absolute favorite: he was cited for disrespecting a commanding officer by stating, “I won’t fucking do it.” Not sure what the command was, but that shit is hilarious.

3.  Keeping true to his m. o. of striking in the darkest hours of the early morning, Richard Ramirez’s time of birth was 2:07 am on February 29th, 1960. Looks like he’s been Night Stalkin’ since he exited the womb! He shares a birthday with Aileen Wuornos and the pair of them share the sun sign of Pisces with John Wayne Gacy.

4.  In the late 60’s and early 70’s, three serial killers were active in Santa Cruz, California: Edmund Kemper, Herbert Mullin and John Linley Frazier. Of these three, Kemper and Mullin were arrested in the same year (1973) and were, at one point, in adjoining cells. Mullin used to sing loudly, annoying everyone around him, including Kemper, who would throw water at him to shut him up. At Kemper’s trial, prosecuting District Attorney Peter Chang asked him about the incident and Kemper stated that he did in fact throw water at Mullin for singing, and furthermore, he would give Mullin peanuts whenever he would behave. Kemper did this enough that Mullin actually started asking Kemper for permission to sing! This was something Kemper told the court he learned while spending time at Atascadero Mental Hospital as a youngster and said “It’s called behavior modification.”

GET IT YOU GUYS?  GET IT?  ’Cause his name is Herbert Mullin but Kemper’s gonna wear him like a mitten… like, after he shoves his fist up Mullin’s ass?  

Oh my God. I run a serial killer blog and I have no idea how to successfully threaten people…

5. Two events simultaneously occurred on the day of John Wayne Gacy’s execution on May 10th, 1994. On that day, there was an annular eclipse - meaning the moon passed between the Earth and the sun, partially blocking the sun in such a way as to create a “ring of fire” that looked something like this:

This image is of an annular eclipse which occurred on January 25th, 2009. This seemed to creep a lot of people out all across the United States, as radio and television stations did not fail to mention the fact that these two events were occurring simultaneously. If bricks weren’t already being shat, that was because they didn’t know about the other event that was happening at the same fucking time in Wisconsin: the Baptism of Jeffrey Dahmer by Roy Ratcliffe into The Church of Christ denomination of Christianity.

Wai, Gacy. Wai.

6.  Russian police were unable to link Andrei Chikatilo to many of the murders he committed because of a biological phenomenon which rendered Chikatilo’s blood type different than his saliva and semen. Our blood type is determined by the presence or absence of a small molecule called an “antigen” on our blood cells. These antigens are also found on cells found in saliva and semen, and generally, they will match our blood type; however, Andrei Chikatilo was what’s called a “non-secretor.” Non-secretors can actually have two different sets of antigens on their blood and secretions. In the case of Chikatilo, his blood type was A while his semen showed trace amounts of B antigen along with the A antigen, making it look like his semen belonged to someone with the blood type AB. When Chikatilo’s blood was compared to the semen found on several murder victims, it was found to not be a match and he was let go. The fact that he was a non-secretor was not taken into account, and plus, this was back in the 80’s, when forensic DNA technology wasn’t what it is today. So, unlike Andrei Chikatilo, Russian police where having a seriously hard time. HA HA. GET IT? HARD TIME! HE WAS IMPOTENT THOUGH! BONERS!

7.  Let’s hope I don’t have to keep explaining my shitty jokes. Anyway, did you know that batshit insane serial killer Richard Chase suffered from erectile dysfunction and something called Renfield’s Syndrome, aka Clinical Vampirism? Watch out Edward Cullen - looks like you’re not the only impotent vampire this century has had to endure. Chase would often capture furry woodland creatures such as rabbits and squirrels, grab some Coca-cola, toss the ingredients in a blender and make a bubbly blood-shake. Interestingly enough, Chase’s milkshake brought all the boys to the yard and they were like “kill yourself.” That is to say, when the other inmates heard of Chase’s bizarre and graphic crimes, they were so sufficiently creeped-the-fuckout, the thought of killing him themselves was just too spooky. So instead of taking matters into their own hands, they took the an hero route and constantly tried to convince him to kill himself. Sound familiar?

8.  Aileen Wuornos would frequently have sex with her brother, Keith, and oftentimes, they would do so in front of the other neighbor children. There is debate about whether it was consensual, but witnesses say it was. If that’s true, it sounds like a serious case of WINCEST!

9.  Shortly following his mother’s death, Ed Gein went on two dates with a 38-year-old woman named Adeline Watkins. Apparently, Adeline killed all hope of future courtship, as well as Gein’s boner, when she spoke ill of her own mother. You don’t talk shit about moms to Ed Gein, son.

10.  The type of gun used by Son of Sam killer, David Berkowitz was a .44 caliber Charter Arms Bulldog Revolver. The irony there should be evident.

(above meme by bunnybundy)

And there you go. 10 facts! Hope you learned something new!

Ohhh, gurl. I know you just playin’.

Thank you, babe!  Hope you keep enjoying!  And thanks for the submissions, everyone!